After taking so much time off of school, I'm back and better than ever.
Honestly, I never thought I would make it to this point. I really thought I would be spending the rest of my life working as a waitress with no nights or weekends off, living paycheck to paycheck, constantly crying because of how much I felt I would be missing out on the "best years of my life". Now I'm a college student, prioritized my personal life and goals, and am living out the "best years of my life".
And of course, college isn't for everyone. For me, it was the only thing I craved. You see... learning has always been a big part of my life. Not because I crave the academic validation. In fact, I've failed probably around eight during high school. At one point I had a 0.08 GPA. I never really applied myself in caring about grades. I applied myself in soaking in material and was just unable to express it through exams.
Once I graduated high school, I tried the whole college thing and failed three semesters. During this time of my life I was living in such a dark place. My mindset was always, "I'm going to make it", but I never did anything to get there. Instead. I spent hours in bed sleeping days away. Crying. Angry. After a few weeks of this I felt the need to make a change and would fill my schedule with things I thought would help. But I would crash and burn. This all led me to being admitted to an inpatient psychiatric hospital. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD. Once I left, I just fell into the old routine of my bad habits.
Things changed in August of 2021. I decided to actually make a change. I felt so misunderstood by the people around me. After months of being off lexapro, I decided to go see a therapist and psychiatrist. It was then when I was diagnosed as bipolar II and still PTSD. I am on a new medication now, lamotrigine, and I have never felt stronger inside.
I'm back in school, I have never had grades this good. Most importantly, I'm going in a direction that feels right to me. I'm changing. Soon, I will be a journalist and a published poet. I've promised that to myself, the universe and God. I'm doing everything in my power to live life under my own terms.
